Consciousness...
I remember back in the late 80's while onboard the USS Enterprise underway to the Indian Ocean. This was my first Westpac Cruise on which I was truly to learn that 'it isn't just a job - its an adventure'. We had entered into my first experience of rough seas - I found the greatest calm upon the water and came to an astounding revolution of thought. My adventure of self was born..
To question anything religious in my early life was considered the big Taboo. Mom was often crafted in her beliefs by the teachings of such idividuals as jerry Falwell and other large preachers who seemed to resonate some ungodly devotion.
Believing all of her last years convinced that she hadn't ever atoned to god for her percieved 'sins' before the sight of god. The self-imposed torture she endured was only matched in a crazy ideology that this was just the beginning of the suffering to come.. Mom is a topic of conversation for many if not all of my friends and family. None ofcourse was as strange as my own. The most beautiful person on this earth was mom. Even now I seek her sustaining image as a reminder of everything I wish not to impose upon others; a life of shame, indignity, disgrace, fear, hatred of self, self inflicting, self flagulating, tortured soul.
I originally carried the same baggage.. But something happened one day to change all that. I dumped everything I learned as a kid about religion, having tried everyone of them.. None of them offered the same 'relief' it gave to mom. I instead, even after achieving becoming ordained an Elder in the Mormon church.. That is a funny footnote. I still never found sought to find that god. I sought after everything that mom said was bad; astrology, psychics, sorcery, wicca, and the big one... MEDITATION. Mom ofter stated that we should never engage in such things as that we 'open ourselves up to bad spirits'. Hmmph I decried. If this stuff is so bad, I need to learn more to quell this question.. My suspicion was correct. I learned that I had been taught to worry about the one thing that is the most important in my life, learning the correct 'reality'.
My eyes were opened by way of the use of hypnosis. This strange thing that facinated me when presented to me by a hypnotist friend of my brother Don; who that summer graduated from College. The facination was carried to a new found way of thinking about my own affect on what is most important in my life. I learned that the inner dialogue we spoke under the cloud of thoughts often thought as insignificant. These verses of negativity that we repeat and state a self-depricating humour.
My mom often stated early on in my life that should die one day of cancer. Well - mom got exactly what she continued day by day to rehearse for. Mom died of cancer on the 13th of March 1994. I read this as most obvious sign of self-fulfilled prophecy. Sifting through the ashes over time, I realized that my life is meant to be lived. I am not 'placed' here to fulfill anothers' destiny or design. I am a creator of my own daily life - I make my life exactly what it is. I attract that which I am.
Once I learned to separate god from religion, my path was clear. Only I can see my god. Only I know my heart and soul. Only I am responsible to my god.
To question anything religious in my early life was considered the big Taboo. Mom was often crafted in her beliefs by the teachings of such idividuals as jerry Falwell and other large preachers who seemed to resonate some ungodly devotion.
Believing all of her last years convinced that she hadn't ever atoned to god for her percieved 'sins' before the sight of god. The self-imposed torture she endured was only matched in a crazy ideology that this was just the beginning of the suffering to come.. Mom is a topic of conversation for many if not all of my friends and family. None ofcourse was as strange as my own. The most beautiful person on this earth was mom. Even now I seek her sustaining image as a reminder of everything I wish not to impose upon others; a life of shame, indignity, disgrace, fear, hatred of self, self inflicting, self flagulating, tortured soul.
I originally carried the same baggage.. But something happened one day to change all that. I dumped everything I learned as a kid about religion, having tried everyone of them.. None of them offered the same 'relief' it gave to mom. I instead, even after achieving becoming ordained an Elder in the Mormon church.. That is a funny footnote. I still never found sought to find that god. I sought after everything that mom said was bad; astrology, psychics, sorcery, wicca, and the big one... MEDITATION. Mom ofter stated that we should never engage in such things as that we 'open ourselves up to bad spirits'. Hmmph I decried. If this stuff is so bad, I need to learn more to quell this question.. My suspicion was correct. I learned that I had been taught to worry about the one thing that is the most important in my life, learning the correct 'reality'.
My eyes were opened by way of the use of hypnosis. This strange thing that facinated me when presented to me by a hypnotist friend of my brother Don; who that summer graduated from College. The facination was carried to a new found way of thinking about my own affect on what is most important in my life. I learned that the inner dialogue we spoke under the cloud of thoughts often thought as insignificant. These verses of negativity that we repeat and state a self-depricating humour.
My mom often stated early on in my life that should die one day of cancer. Well - mom got exactly what she continued day by day to rehearse for. Mom died of cancer on the 13th of March 1994. I read this as most obvious sign of self-fulfilled prophecy. Sifting through the ashes over time, I realized that my life is meant to be lived. I am not 'placed' here to fulfill anothers' destiny or design. I am a creator of my own daily life - I make my life exactly what it is. I attract that which I am.
Once I learned to separate god from religion, my path was clear. Only I can see my god. Only I know my heart and soul. Only I am responsible to my god.
